Long ago, before we argued over whether pumpkin spice was basic or maligned, we used to fight about whether candy corn was yummy or gross. Nostalgic for those more innocent days, I went looking for an important feature I wrote about candy corn a billion years ago (like, ’97?) for a long-dead culinary site called CuisineNet. CuisineNet is gone, lost in the ether of early cyberspace, roadkill on the infobahn. But my candy corn story lives on, in a homework assignment for middle-school students in the West Linn-Wilsonville School District of south metropolitan Portland, OR. Some enterprising teacher or administrator must have seen a wonderful opportunity to not pay me. Now poor Oregonian children have to read my vintage musings on candy corn deliciousness (involving the phrase “delicately work your way down the niblet shaft,” which should not be read by middle-school students, or anyone, really), as well as candy corn history and statistics. Then the children have to answer multiple-choice questions about candy corn and write an essay on “the impact retailers have had on the rising amount of candy consumed during the Halloween season.” (I am unsure about what I would write for this topic? Which is apparently based on my own reporting?) Anyway, you can take the quiz. I don’t know what the answers say about you or what Hogwarts house you should be in.