On Twitter, writer Meg Nesterov reminded me via her Instagram that I wrote this in Sassy in 1994. It seems….relevant. 

I feel like I need to footnote this for the Youth of Today. But the Youth of Today can Google. WE DIDN’T HAVE GOOGLE IN 1994, YOUTH OF TODAY! (Here’s a freebie, though: The last line is a reference to Antioch College’s affirmative consent policy, which people were horrified, furious and sneering about back in the day.)

I would cut the line about Republicans if I were writing this now. But back then people still talked about Rockefeller Republicans; Republicans then were not the semi-sentient garbage fires they are today.

Also, shut up, Matt Damon. When this was published, Matt Damon was best known for School Ties, starring Brendan Fraser. Ben Affleck had seventh billing, playing “Chesty Smith,” which, fun fact, was also the name of his character in Justice League.