In a fit of procrastination, I was poking around the interwebs. And I rediscovered this ancient, awesome piece from the never-published final issue of Sassy. Mary Clarke informs me that it was written by Miss Andrea Linett. It was from the December 1994 issue, which we were working on when we were summarily called into a conference room and told that our new corporate overlords at Teen would probably let us keep our jobs. (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.) Someone eventually slipped whatever finished content we had to Richard, a delightful guy who edited a nutty, very early web site (remember, this was 1994) called Blair.

Anyway, here’s the story. JOEY RAMONE GOES TO THE SPA. How much delicious cultural dissonance is contained in those six words?

I did not attend this shoot. (I did attend Kim Gordon’s trip to the day spa in New Jersey. I thought her spa review was self-consciously snarky and snippy, with some below-the-studded-belt potshots at New Jersey. There is no easier snark than New Jersey, Kim Gordon. Try harder.) (Uh, though now that I think about it, we were probably snotty too, for sending a punk-rock alternagoddess to a day spa in New Jersey.) Kim was not so nice, but I remember everyone gushing about how terribly sweet and terribly shy Joey Ramone was on his spa day.

RIP, Joey. You should have had so many more years of deep-conditioning treatments.