Writers’ guidelines for America’s (and Marge Simpson’s) fave neurosis-fomenting parenting magazine, in my Tablet column this week.

PS. If you don’t get the visual reference above, what’s wrong with you? It’s from the episode in which Homer baby-proofed the Simpson house.

Homer: That baby proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets, but I’ll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away.

Marge: She’s not afraid of bunnies.

Homer: She will be.

This is why Fretful Mother believes in hiring baby proofing professionals. All dads are Homer. Which is why all mothers need to live their lives in a thrumming state of panic, and why Fretful Mother and Smothering Mother are the highest-circ non-existent parenting magazines in animation.

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