Family: ARTSY

Common Name	Scientific Name
Pretentious Serious Theater Man	Stellaus stellaus
Happy Musical Theater Fella	Rogers anhammerstein
Baffling Performance Artist	ArtsGrantus nono
Alienated Film Boy	Royalus withcheesum
Nimble-Fingered Classical Pianist	Evgeny kissin
Unearthly-vibrato-bearing Opera Singer	Nessun dorma
Heavy-lidded Jazz Aficionado	Notatus caeruleus
Smooth 'n' Oily Lounge Act	Igottabeme crooner
Hathead Country-Western Singer	Yodelus heehaw
Snarling Gangsta Rapper	Lass lassie pooch
Pissy Pierced Punk	AAAAAARGH eeeeeauhhhcccchh huh huh huh
Alternative Rock Boy	Cobainus howlum
Acerbic Bipolar Novelist	Burroughs kerouacum
Starving Disaffected Art Male	Piccasus basquiatum

About Artsy Boys:
The tortured, artistic young man is always appealing. Our salivatory response to him has been "imprinted" upon us by exposure to countless foxy historical and cultural role models: William Butler Yeats, Vincent van Gogh, Rimbaud, Johnny Depp, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Joseph (biblical), Franz Lizst, Jim Morrison, Brick in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, River Phoenix, Dracula, Jesus, and all famous people named Dylan (D. Thomas, Bob D., D. McKay of 90210).

Why is the artsy male so often more enticing than the Gainfully Employed male? Because of his big emotions and flaming passions; his intensity; his hooded, drawn, Daniel Day-Lewis-like countenance; his ego and his glamour. He is not boring. Yet that is precisely why a relationship with him is so difficult. The artsy male can be very manipulative. He is unreliable; he is unlikely ever to value a mortal female above his Art. Yet social intercourse with the artsy male can be fulfilling if the female learns to appreciate his inherent cuteness and torment while maintaining her independence and refraining from too much investment in his pain.